I probably don't say this often enough, but I have one of the most dedicated, caring partners in the whole wide world. I'm not the type of person to display my affection for the world to read, but today is a particularly special day. Not for any reason in particular, other than my heart is telling me so.
In an effort to avoid pain, we often act less then admirably. Maladaptive behaviors are used as coping skills, temporarily getting us through the unmanageable. They work for a while, but inevitably lose effectiveness.
I am so lucky to have someone in my life that is intelligent and has the foresight to see things when I do not. His ability to point out my behaviors that aren't beneficial and steer me in a direction that is fruitful and allows me the space to become that which I have always imagined.
Let me tell you about me. When I told stories about my family, they didn’t revolve around family beach trips, barbecues, and vacations; the focused on my parents’ fights and all the ways they “ruined my life.”
The same applied to friends and milestones in my life. I chronically remembered and rehashed the worst experiences. This went deep into college and found itself quite a large feeding ground in my marriage. I was so blinded by this pattern, this view of always being the victim, that I was unable to see things any other way. Good things weren't good enough because they would always end up going away. Bad things were the way of life back then. I even sat my now ex-husband down one day to tell him, while choking back a waterfall of tears, that I didn't understand how people could be happy, smile or find other peoples' jokes and stories funny. I hadn't really laughed in years. I didn't understand.
I’ve noticed that many of us have something in common with my misguided past self: we focus on how we’ve been hurt far more than how we’ve been helped. When we complain about everything that’s gone wrong, or everyone who has done us wrong, we’re drowning in our self-involvement.It’s taken me a long time, but I’ve learned we don’t need to live life in a constant state of reaction to things that seem difficult or unfair. We don’t have to be the victims of bad coming at us. Our lives don’t have to be the sum of our problems—not if we take responsibility for putting good into the world.
That starts by fostering a greater appreciation for our interdependence. We are not alone. The world is not against us, and we don’t have to be against each other. We don’t have to let our fears, insecurities and wants boil over inside us until we’re all a bunch of incompatible toxic chemicals waiting to explode the second we collide.
Currently, I find myself becoming more open and aware that I have choices that I get to make every day about every situation I am involved in. It's not an easy road, but it is a worthwhile road. All the time and effort I put in today, will allow me to reap the benefits exponentially in years to come.
Back to Roo. Without his unwavering support and the very sincere way that he believes in me, I would have never been able to find the courage to go back to school, apply to and get a better job that I love, workout for my health and my own personal body goals and so much more.
